An oldie but a goodie: software salesman dies and goes to Heaven...
This software salesman dies and, by some bookkeeping error, goes to Heaven. He gets issued with his halo and harp and assigned a cloud. He sits for a few days strumming the harp, perfect weather every day, constant peace and tranquillity.
After day four, he gets up and walks back to St Peter at the gates. “Hey buddy, does anything ever happen here?”
“Happen? This is Heaven. Nothing happens in Heaven”.
“I hate to say it but I’m bored. I could use a little action, you know what I mean? Some fun.”
“Fun? Why don’t you try Hell? They specialise in that sort of stuff”.
“Hell? I dunno about that…”
“Look, you can go down, try it, come back up. Let me know what you think, then if you want I’ll damn you for all time or you can go back to your cloud”.
The salesman figures he’s got nothing to lose, so St Peter rings down on the red phone, the salesman gets in the express elevator, and comes out in Hell.
It’s a bit smelly with the smoke of cigars, and definitely the heating is too high, but there is a smooth blues band playing on a stage up back, low tables with candlelight, free drinks, and cute women everywhere. He stays for a couple of whiskeys, watches two songs, chats up an attractive brunette at the next table, and heads back up to see St Peter.
“Yup, that’s for me”.
“OK if you are sure, I damn you to Hell for eternity” says St Peter, takes his halo and harp back, and sends him back down.
The salesman steps out of the lift and is thrust straight into a vat of boiling oil. As he comes up for air, a goblin stabs him in the forehead with a red-hot pitchfork, pushing him under. The second time he comes up, he dodges the fork long enough to scream “Hey! Where’s the babes? The booze? The blues?”.
The goblin stops and looks mystified. “Babes? Booze? Blues?”
Then his face clears, he smiles, and pushes the salesman back under with the fork, saying “Aaah, you were here for the demo”.